What do you do when you desperately want to write but the words just don't come? Since losing my second job, I have found myself itching to write more often. When I get home from work now; I walk the dog, I make some dinner, and then I sit down to read or watch TV. Last night specifically, I tried to write.
My mind was clear, I had a fire going in the fireplace, some relaxing music playing…
I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't sit still. I kept coming up with excuses to not write. I wouldn't necessarily call it writer's block. One thing that I know about myself? My best work comes from the darkest parts of me. Over the years I've compartmentalized those parts of me away so that I don't spiral. I've never tried to write from a happy place. I certainly can't write about love when I haven't been in love in years. There are thousands of tips, websites, books, and blogs all dedicated to helping a writer write. I admit that I've read a few of them. Most give advice about clearing your mind or your schedule or your working space. Some encourage free writing while others encourage structure and outlines. Some tell you to make everything up. Others tell you to write what you know. Each piece of advice is good in its own right, but sometimes the block is just the block.
Years ago while I was briefly unemployed I started a novel. I typed out thirty pages worth of storyline. It flowed out of me in a way that I had never experienced before. It felt like I tapped into something primal and guttural. Then? Distraction. Real work came knocking and a gal has to eat. Somewhere along the way I lost those pages. The cloud may have existed back then but I failed to back it up. I've never been able to get back to that story. It's lost to me now.
I've never had that feeling since. Words no longer just come out of me without control. It's incredibly frustrating since I know that feeling exists. I should be able to capture it again. How do I get to THAT? How do I tap back into something that I accidentally stumbled on the first time around?
I think part of this blog is an attempt to recapture some of that. To try and force myself to write more often while trying to reach the part of me that I didn't know was there. To try and get to that place without digging into the dark is going to be hard but hopefully not impossible.
Fellow writers, do you know this feeling I'm referring to?